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I don’t think I was ever able to follow through with resolutions or goals set at beginning of any year. in my case, which I guess it’s not different from most of the people, it has always revolved around the same kind of things - adopting buddhism permanently, doing exercise, becoming vegetarian and taking care of my nutrition, reading more, writing more, programming more, learning new things.

in a word, being wholesome.

so, while I have always had this thought on the back of my mind, like an itch, this feeling that there were still aspects of my life that needed improvement, this noticing or awareness, this raising the head out of the inertia, it has always boiled down to this: 12 years of intents, of saying “it’s from tomorrow onwards”, of starting and then deciding to drop it. then starting again, then dropping it again. 

rewind. repeat.

and about a year ago, this process changed in two very clear ways:

• the first was that the amount of time that was taking me to start and stop had been decreasing and decreasing, to the point that it became a matter of weeks or days. it no longer took months for me to realise that I should be loosing weight or that I had to eat better or that I should be meditating - it was now happening every week or so;
• the second was that for the first time I was able to follow through with the goals I had set. the last three months of 2010 I stopped smoking, became mostly vegetarian and was going to the gym almost every day; and one of the things that contributed was that I said to myself “let’s give it a try just for three months. small steps, clear actions - just three months.”

so, there were many forces here at play, and all need to be considered if I’m to move from declarations of intentions to actions that reflect the change that I want to apply in me: 

1. the awareness that change is needed;
2. the reminder that change is needed even if I’m not changing yet;
3. the translation of this change into clear small actions that can be executed in a small period of time.

despite the craziness of 2011 I was still able to maintain some of these goals like adopting vegetarianism and stopping smoking. I did loose the routine, the habit, the intention or effort of continuing.

which leads me to these words.

a couple of days ago, I sat down and wrote the things that I wanted to change in order to become more wholesome. goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them; in my case it boiled down to the following (in no particular order):

• being able to play piano at least as good as I can play guitar;
• being able to program in JavaScript at least as good as I can program in Java;
• losing my belly and improve my physical aspect;
• finish at least one application for the iPhone;
• adopt the 5 precepts of Buddhism and follow the Buddhist routine that I had set for myself;
• replace playing computer games and wandering off in the internet with reading and writing;
• consolidate my vegetarian diet; move towards mostly vegan diet.
• follow through with this plan over periods of 3 months.

so, these are the long terms goals. as for specific actions for this first quarter, I set the following:

• start my routine of 2 days at the gym, 1 day for rest;
• leave facebook;
• uninstall Civilization IV;
• replace Civilization IV with reading and writing;
• meditate every day.

so, I purposefully did not cover all the aspects of all the things I wanted to change. I’m not touching any vegan stuff this quarter neither am I explicitly touching the five precepts of buddhism or the uposatha days. there is also no mention of programming or piano for the time being. this is because I need the mould of physical discipline to fit all the rest. I have to start by making sure I’m going to the gym and that I’m meditating every day. this is the foundation, so to speak, of all the changes that may follow afterwards.

also, there is emphasis on quitting things before adding more things. uninstalling a game is a simple way of not playing. leaving facebook is a simple way of not wandering off mindlessly in the internet. this represents the excision of the things which are of not helping me complete my goals. but excision is only one part of this process. the other is changing my focus from the thing that I cut off to the thing that I want to focus on.

so this is the path, the process and my next steps in becoming more wholesome.

hello 2012.

there is no self in anything.

whatever we see, we discriminate according to our delusions. it’s because of our delusions that we wander in the endless round of birth and death. but if we can become aware of our delusions, we become free of birth and death.

there is no self.

Zen Baggage ends with a trip to Hong Kong, where Bill Porter meets up with Yi Ch’ao, Hsu Yun’s attendant. After several stories on his former master, Yi Ch’ao says goodbye with these amazing words.

those paragraphs form the very core and the whole of what buddhism is all about.

if you would have to define buddhist teachings; if you would have to summarise all the teachings of the buddha down to a couple of sentences, down to a couple of bare minimum ideas, these would be it - there is no self, there’s only impermanence.

Zen Baggage was a really great book.

it was the first time I read someone’s account of a pilgrimage, and I truly loved it. I think the whole idea of going down to the places where things happened and being there, walking down those paths and feeling the same things as all those people felt, connects you even more to the people behind the teachings; brings the awareness that the words and ideas you read about, come from real people who lived in a real place.

they walked those paths, meditated in those halls, felt that same rain and that same sun over them. like Nguyen Cong Tru wrote,

on the same spot I sit today
other came, in ages past, to sit.
one thousand years, still other will come.
who is the singer, and who is the listener?